Him: Hey, you’ve heard of Mr. Big Name [a world-famous icon of masculinity], right?
Me: Sure. Who hasn’t?
Him: Well, he’s gay.
Me: Really? That’s interesting.
Him: Yeah, my buddy Al, who was a stuntman on a bunch of his early movies, told me.
Me: But isn’t he married to that supermodel?
Him: It’s just a front.
Me: And don’t they have several kids who look just like him?
Him: Everybody in Hollywood knew he was gay way back when.
Me: And wasn’t his wife threatening to divorce him a couple of years ago because he was sleeping with his leading lady?
Him: His publicist must have made it up.
Me: And didn’t his ex-wife sue him to get his child-support payments raised to $100,000 per month? And didn’t he almost ruin his career by insisting that his crazy Danish girlfriend be cast opposite him in all his movies? And didn’t he hire private eye Anthony Pellicano to wiretap those script girls who had filed paternity and sexual-harassment suits against him? And doesn’t he maintain a secret second family in Bakersfield?
Him: He’s gay as a French horn.