June 21, 2011

A simple request

As a Person of Height, I'd like to protest all the recent TV coverage of Dirk Nowitzki and LeBron James, which gives society the false impression that we People of Height are all a model minority of the agile and athletic, while ignoring our tragic challenge of coordination-challengement. But don't insensitively show us as we really are, either, because that would stereotype us as clumsy oafs! 

Hmmhmm, well, I could see how this could be tricky. Okay, the best all-around solution for society would be to put me on TV a lot. But not on live TV, because I might trip and fall down. No, I should be on lots of carefully edited TV. But wait a couple of days to start shooting until I get over this limp from when I tried to pick up three cans of beer at once and dropped one on my big toe. Then ... lots of me on (carefully edited and maybe with some cool CGI effects, too, to mask the awkward parts) TV! Or maybe just get Ryan Reynolds to play me in The Steve Sailer Show. Yeah, I think that's the least society could do.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know you're joking, but life is hell for short men.

I'm 5'9", almost 24 years old and haven't grown in years. I want to kill myself every time I walk by another guy.

Father is like 5 inches taller than me. He gloats about it and when I was a kid he said that I'd never reach his height. I never did.

Had to sit next to a ~6'3" kid during much of high school. Ladies fucking loved him despite the fact that he was a total retard (nice guy, but Jesus was he stupid). Never before have I been so ignored by women than when I sat next to him. When I was younger I was fat, ugly, poorly dressed, covered in acne but fucking tall. Ladies loved me. Now I've remedied all that but I'm short and I'm ignored.

It really sucks because short girls are hyper aware of height issues due to the fact that it's so apparent when they look up at you. There's no win for us short guys, just have to try to find a place to hang out at that has no tall guys.

Goddamn, I want to be tall.

Fred said...

5'9" is the average height of American men, it's not short. As the average height of American women is 5'4", you should have plenty of prospects.

One perk of Latin American immigration for you is that it will drive down the average height, so that 5'9" won't just be average but tall in ten years.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if first poster is trolling or serious.

Anonymous said...

You can star with Amanda Marcotte. Or are you too old for her?

Anonymous said...

I'm 5'9", almost 24 years old and haven't grown in years. I want to kill myself every time I walk by another guy.

There are lifts you can put in your shoes that will add 3 inches.

Many boots and dress shoes will add around 1 and a half inches or so.

Anonymous said...

5'9" is the average height of American men

No it's 5'10".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height

Elephant in Room said...

I'm 5'9", almost 24 years old and haven't grown in years. I want to kill myself every time I walk by another guy.

5'9" is the average height of American men, it's not short


Something tells me there is something else working against you with the ladies...

agnostic said...

"5'9" is the average height of American men, it's not short."

Well, when you say 5'9" you mean objective, SI inches. When a guy describes his own height to others as 5'9" he is usually 5'7" or a little shorter.

Anonymous said...

"Well, when you say 5'9" you mean objective, SI inches. When a guy describes his own height to others as 5'9" he is usually 5'7" or a little shorter."

Oh yeah? I never knew men to be so vain. I did have a girlfriend once who lied about her height - she didn't want to admit she was taller than me.

Anonymous said...

What a terrible thing a sense of inferiority must be. I'm 5'6" - next to a 6'4" galoot I look tiny. And yet, before I got married, I was never without a girlfriend for long. I even have a goofy voice that's on the high side - doesn't seem to matter.

On the other hand, I'm very good at what I do, I make a high salary, and I'm never at a loss for words. That seems to be all I needed.

Best of luck to you, 5'9" Anonymous. Get pushier.

-bb

AMac said...

The first nine comments are a lovely accompaniment to the cri de coeur of the post. Internet humor lives on, chez Steve.

Hedwig said...

I measure shorter due to stereotype threat induced slouching. I need affirmative action inches added to my raw score.

Imethisguy said...

I lie, too: I usually knock off a couple of inches. I'm 6'7 1/2" (my wife insists I include the 1/2) but always answer, when asked (and it happens often) 'Oh, about 6'5"'
I also learned early on that many people will offer an estimate, and that it's unwise to disagree with them. "You're what, 6-4 or so?" "yeah, that's about right"
Asians, especially those not yet acculturated to N.Amer., are the least inhibited. I was recently asked to pose with an aged, stooped grandmother visiting from China. She came to about my navel.

JSM said...

"Goddamn, I want to be tall."

Short guys could consider marrying plain gals. And, in particular, plain gals on the tall side. It seems to be, tall women are more likely to have tall sons, even when dad is short, saving your boy a lifetime of wishing "Goddam I want to be tall!" (If you're 5'9" and she's 5'7", the sons will likely be over 5'10".)

Gc said...

For young american white guys average height is probably 5`11"+. It`s true that 6`3" guys get women just because of their height.

Felix said...

I'm 23 and slightly over 5'9 barefoot. Statistically that might be just an inch below the mean, but trust me, it feels short.

Anonymous said...

I understand you are 6'4" Mr. Sailer. If you had been my height, 5'3", life would have been very different for you. Trust me.

jody said...

saw a 60 minutes segment on mikhail prokhorov, richest man in russia. he was pretty agile for a 6-8 guy. they showed him working out and kickboxing. generally though once you get up to 6-6 or so you begin to trade coordination and speed for height and length. 7 footers with moves are rare.

not a hacker said...

I find the comment by 1st Anon surprising. I'm 5'9" 3/4 and never had trouble with women. I found that by college, quality women preferred to spend time with me than a 6'2" mouthbreather. 'Course, I'm a boomer, so this may have changed, as the posters at the Chateau constantly remind us.

Maya said...

How can you not admit that you're taller than someone, if you're forced to meet in person? Wouldn't it be immediately apparent?

Oh, and I've read somewhere that med are more vain than women for anthropological reasons. [Shrugs]

not a hacker said...

"I never knew men to be so vain."

Our firm once had a client, a pawnshop owner, who insisted he was "6 foot." But I'm 5'10" and he was almost two inches shorter. Perhaps unsurprisingly, about 15 yrs. later he killed his entire family, and is now serving a life sentence.

Dahlia said...

If you will restrict admission to this grievance group to the slender and male, tall people will have my enthusiastic support and sympathy.

Anonymous said...

If you had been my height, 5'3", life would have been very different for you. Trust me.

Not this whining again. Life is what you make it. There are successful short guys and unsuccessful tall guys. Don't blame your situation on your height,

Anonymous said...

not a hacker said:

"I found that by college, quality women preferred to spend time with me than a 6'2" mouthbreather. 'Course, I'm a boomer, so this may have changed, as the posters at the Chateau constantly remind us."

----

Ya think???

Anonymous said...

I know you're joking, but life is hell for short men.

I'm 5'9"...


5'9" is not short, it's average, you whining weenie.

Why don't you move to Mexico where you'd be considered tall. All your life problems would be solved.

Anonymous said...

I get the idea that five nine may be a difficult height. Not tall, but not badass, Napoleon, 'short man syndrome' either.
Gilbert P.

God's Gift to Worthogs said...

Oh, and I've read somewhere that med are more vain than women for anthropological reasons. [Shrugs]

In Cosmo at the Dentists office perhaps?

Arguments could be made, especially if vanity is mis-defined as confidence.

Evolution has women judged on looks and men by the ability to provide or fake it (game). That would make vanity (in the traditional sense) a survival instinct for women more than men.

Truth said...

I'm 6,3, my brother is 5'5 my father is 5'4. Both are successfully married (father for the second time) and both would be remarried within a year if their wives left (pops is 75).

Lack of height is a disadvantage with women, not a deal-breaker.

Anonymous said...

badass, Napoleon, 'short man syndrome' either.

Such a thing doesn't exist outside comedy films.

beowulf said...

There's no win for us short guys, just have to try to find a place to hang out at that has no tall guys.
Goddamn, I want to be tall.


Try the VA hospital, I can't imagine any of those guys in wheelchairs will be taller than you.

Severn said...

I'm 5'9", almost 24 years old and haven't grown in years. I want to kill myself every time I walk by another guy.

Really? I think five nine is the average height for men in the US. Maybe it's five ten. But you're not "short".

Severn said...

When a guy describes his own height to others as 5'9" he is usually 5'7" or a little shorter.

In person, sure. But not anonymously on the net. He could be lying just because a lot of people online lie ("I'm a 25 year old lesbian ..") but saying you're 5'9" when you're actually 5'7" is not your typical internet lie.

Anonymous said...

saw a 60 minutes segment on mikhail prokhorov, richest man in russia.

Here is Prokhorov sitting opposite Medvedev.