July 31, 2008

Hillary Clinton is the Katie Holmes of the Veepstakes

In the latest Batman movie (or "the Batman" as all the bad guys in the picture say), Katie Holmes has been replaced as the love interest by Maggie Gyllenhall, who looks like a sad cartoon turtle. Exactly why we're supposed to believe that Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart are both hopelessly in love with Maggie Gyllenhaal is unexplained, but that's not the point.

The point is that casting Mrs. Tom Cruise in a blockbuster movie is like picking Mrs. Bill Clinton to run on the national ticket-- she's okay, but what's her husband going to do be doing? He's got way too much energy to stay out of the spotlight. Who needs him? And, thus, who needs her?

My published articles are archived at iSteve.com -- Steve Sailer

32 comments:

halfbreed said...

Holmes actually looked like a relatively normal girl before she married Cruise. She never made the tabloids a la Paris or Britney, and those even features never gave off even a hint of insanity. But what was she thinking when she married Cruise? She must have heard all the rumors about his homosexuality. Did she convince herself that they weren't true? Did he somehow manage to convince her? Did Cruise actually convince himself that he could overcome it? (Scientology supposedly claims to have a cure for homoxesuality.) Was that what all the jumping up and down on the couch was about, convincing himself? Or did Holmes view this as a shrewd career move, a la Nicole Kidman? Did she think she could become a star of Kidman's magnitude? It certainly hasn't happened so far, she's just been used as a brood mare and seems from her public demeanor to be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Just goes to show, even features and a placid demeanor are no guarantee of sanity. And one has to wonder, what of Cruise's adoptive children with Kidman? How much parental attention do they get these days? Someone shoulc do a study sometime of all the children who've been adoptd by Hollywood actresses with madonna complexes, from Mia Farrow to Angelina to Madonna herself. Something tells me they're going to end up a pretty mixed up bunch.

michael farris said...

"Someone should do a study sometime of all the children who've been adoptd by Hollywood actresses with madonna complexes"

This was touched upon in Agatha Christie's "The Mirror Crack'd from Side to Side" where the adoption is recounted by the adoptee (from the point of view of adulthood) as one of the cruelest things possible to do to a person.

As for Cruise/Kidman/Holmes. The internet gossip (usual caveats apply) used to be that the relationship between Cruise and Kidman was about as genuine as that between David Copperfield and Claudia Schiffer (except that they knew not to leave the contracts lying around) and that an eventual parting of the ways was always part of the deal. Cruise / Holmes is/was supposed to be the same kind of thing. I have no idea if that's true but it certainly seems plausible Cruise and Kidman had minus chemistry together and it was only after she left him (after the floperoo of Eyes Wide Shut) that she became a star on her own.

Strangely enough, as a lukewarm Clinton supporter (over the competition, not in a vacuum) I was never worried about her husband, Sleasy? Yes. But as dumb as he could be about dallying (I doubt if she minded much) he never struck me as stupid enough to get between his wife and something she wanted.

Lucius Vorenus said...

I dunno.

Glance at the picture again - Maggie has gorgeous eyes.

And while I know that looks can be deceiving, her face says that she might not be the dimmest bulb in that threesome.

PS: Liv is gittin' mighty long in the tooth - 'bout time to set her out to pasture.

Anonymous said...

OK, granted, Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like a sad cartoon turtle. A sad cartoon turtle who happens to be really, really, really, freakin' hot!

(Maybe they both saw Secretary).

Anonymous said...

"And one has to wonder, what of Cruise's adoptive children with Kidman?"

There was a comedian who joked at the time that, as part of the divorce settlement, those kids were returned to the prop department at Paramount.

-Fred

Anonymous said...

A sad cartoon turtle?

Actually, as I pointed out to Steve in an email several years ago, Gyllenhall looks like a young version of Linda Chavez: http://www.nopactalent.com/speakerphotos/photos/199linda_chavez.jpg

paul k. said...

The gossip was that Tom wouldn't let her:

>>
Katie had initially agreed to reprise her role as Batman's love interest Rachel Dawes in the film, saying, "They can have me if they want me for two more [movies]". But her attitude to the role suddenly changed after she married Tom, 46, surrounded herself with Scientologist advisors and dropped her long-time manager.

She then backed out of the film, citing "scheduling difficulties". Insiders say the actress was convinced by her new entourage that as the wife of superstar Tom Cruise she should consider other roles.

"Katie wasn't available for the role, which I wasn't very happy about," confirmed The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan earlier this month. "But these things happen, and I was very fortunate that Maggie [Gyllenhaal] was able to take over."

"We never got to the negotiating stage," Katie's spokesperson told the Wall Street Journal. "Katie was offered but was unable to accept the role. She was in the process of negotiating another role."

However, insiders say Tom objected to love scenes in The Dark Knight, and instead persuaded his wife to sign up for the disastrous all-female comedy Mad Money alongside Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah.

"Tom feels compelled to oversee Katie's career," a friend told US Star magazine.
>>

http://tinyurl.com/5p8gjh

I like the description of Maggie G. as a sad little turtle. I always thought Katie Holmes looks a little Bassett-houndish, with that droopy right eye, but Maggie looks Katie after a car accident.

albertosaurus said...

After Frankenstein Boris Karloff carried the hint of the monster with him throughout his subsequent Hollywood career. Without the Frankenstein role he would have just been a British sounding character actor who played the butler.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, for millions of movie goers, will always be the secretary in The Secretary. No big name female star would portray the submissive woman in this BDSM flic. No female star had done so before. No female star has done so since. Casting Maggie Gyllenhaal is an easy way to add the suggestion on kinky sex without being in any way explicit.

James said...

Katie Holmes looks like Gram Parsons who looks like a droopy-eyed dog.

corvinus said...

Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like an uglier version of Kirsten Dunst to me.

halfbreed said...

There's an interesting conclusion to be drawn from this blog and the comments section: the same people who are unafraid/unashamed to discuss race and IQ honestly are also unafraid/unashamed to discuss people's looks honestly. I guess this shouldn't be any surprise. Anyway, both subjects are fascinating, probably the more so because it's generally considered taboo to be too honest about either.

Udolpho said...

I'll take Maggie over Katie any day for sheer acting chops. Neither is a stunner, Katie looks about 14, Maggie has a quirky mischievous intelligence that offsets her normal looks

Truth said...

Do you so many of you guys really find gyllenhaal even remotely attractive?

She strikes me as the type of chick that's really REALLY popular in a bar 15 minutes before closing time.

I thought the Dark Knight was an excellent film, but I thought casting such a uhmmm, average woman was part of the whole nihilist film noir joke.

Stuff White People Like #188
-Glasses

testing99 said...

Gyllenhall can't act and looks like her brother. Not in a good way either.

Another example of nepotism.

Anonymous said...

Amusing anecdote regarding Maggie's looks that I posted over at inductivist's blog:

After seeing the film, I went on to some internet movie forums to see how common the revulsion reaction to Gyllenhaal's looks was. Apparently it was high enough that you had the phenomena of viewers at different showings independently and spontaneously heckling the screen when (very minor spoiler) the joker says Gyllenhall "is beautiful, very beautiful," shouting back things like "No she isn't," and "not really." A few days later I came across another posting describing basically the same thing except this time it took place in a theater in the Philippines, complete with a Tagalog rendering of the heckle! Great illustration of cross-cultural universals of beauty in action.

Anonymous said...

In case anyone was wondering about how Gyllenhaal got to be a mmovie star, she's half-Chosen (on her mother's side, therefore, according to the Talmud, a real Chosenite). Whenever you see a less-than-stunning movie star or starlet, and you're wondering why the directors and producers favored her, check, and as often as not, that's the case.

Alex said...

"heckling the screen when (very minor spoiler) the joker says Gyllenhall "is beautiful, very beautiful,""

The point of that scene was to show the Joker's madness, his detachment from reality. He does not see the world as normal sane people do.

Actually, that explains Batman and Dent's interest in her too: Batman is, in his own way, as crazy as the Joker, and it foreshadows Dent's soon-to-be-revealed inner madness.

jody said...

this was my only complaint about the movie. they should have got somebody better looking to replace katie holmes.

i remember talking to steve about 5 years ago after x-men 2 was released and arguing that any movie can be good and relies mainly on the writers and directors, not what the source material is.

now many of the best people in hollywood want to make movies based on comic books, and it shows. the average quality of the comic book movie has gone way up. they totally dominated the summer.

iron man
the incredible hulk
wanted
the dark knight

all got positive reviews and made over $100 million.

hellboy 2 was the only one to not go over $100 million, but it still got positive reviews.

hancock was not based on a comic book as far as i know, though it still made over $100 million.

Anonymous said...

Maggie G. being half-Chosen. Tyler & Paltrow are both half-chosen too are they not.

Liv is gittin' mighty long in the tooth - 'bout time to set her out to pasture.

I'd be more than happy to accommodate her in my paddock ;)

Anonymous said...

Both her and Jake reek of entitlement. It's so repelling they can't even hide it. They're always wearing that slightly smug look on the face that says "I am sooo precious." I know, I know, they are decended from Swedish nobility (on their father's side) so, they must be precious.

In the media the Gyllenhall kids have self-identified more vocally with their mother's Jewness than with their father's noble blood, done so that Hollywood would receive them more favorably. Talk about winning the birth lottery. Maggie is ugly yet she is permitted to think she is fetching--can you not see this trait in her? And Jake plays the "I MAY be gay, and I am DEFINITELY Jewish" card all over Hollywood when he is straight, and most of his family's wealth came from the paternal side.

Anonymous said...

Man, is there anything you white supremacists won't see a sinister Jew lurking behind?

Anonymous said...

I don't think anyone here would turn down Paltrow, Tyler, or Gyllenhaal or Kate Hudson if we had the opportunity, but they're all being judged in this forum by movie star standards, not ordinary-mortal-standards. For proper comparison, refer to Charlize Theron or Michelle Pfeiffer or Grace Kelly or Tippi Hedren -- beauties who take your breath away, the way they're supposed to on the big screen.

ct said...

I haven't seen the movie, but watching her in this candid interview without the benefit of perfect lighting, camera angles, etc. she seems absolutely adorable & cute-looking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRQi4q7IgME

I've never been a believer in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", so I'm surprised by the split opinion I've been seeing here & in other places on her appeal - not more minor disagreement like "she's average" to "she's cute" but "she's horrible looking!" to "she's pretty/sexy!".

Perhaps she's an example of the concept of the "jolie-laide"?

Tariq Nelson said...

It's funny that in the movie the Joker mocked Tom Cruise with his line from Jerry Maguire

"You complete me"

Anonymous said...

I don't think anybody said anything about "sinister Jews". The point is that, like many people, the Chosen will always favor their own; in fact it's written into the very fabric of their religion. What people here object to is how strenuously they object to that same behavior in people of European descent while practicing it at the same time themselves. And there's no clearer example than the number of successful actors and actresses in Hollywood who are Jewish or part Jewish, especially those who get hired for roles they're unsuitable for.

Truth said...

"I've never been a believer in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

It's never a bad thing to reconsider one's position.

Anonymous said...

Um, tariq, Tom Cruise wasn't in the movie. That was Christian Bale.

Anonymous said...

It's the Sarah Jessica Parker syndrome - some people seem to feel somewhat pissed & annoyed when a non-conventionally good-looking woman gets leading lady roles that depict her as being loved by the movie's hero instead of being relegated to the loser best friend. It's like her less than perfect looks make her not worthy of such elevated status.

Also, it probably reminds guys of average looking girls who won't go out with them because they think they're "all that".

steve wood said...

she seems absolutely adorable & cute-looking

She is cute in a real-world way. By ordinary standards, she's OK looking but not a head-turner. I think Steve's point is that Eckhart and Bale, while only ordinarily handsome by Hollywood standards, really ARE head-turners by real-world standards. It seems unlikely that not one, but two men who are movie-star handsome would fall in love with her.

Big Bill said...

Ellen Barkin was another with those quirky good looks. But she had a simmering lusty side (The Big Easy) that always seems like it was barely under control and just about to explode.

Anonymous said...

Ellen Barkin was another with those quirky good looks. But she had a simmering lusty side.

And Barkin is also Jewish. The characteristics you describe are present in a lot of Jewish women, in my observation.

Anonymous said...

Ellen Birkin has quirky looks? Maybe because
she is also, of all things, CHINESE! 1/4 or 1/8, I think.